More Than a Mail Girl

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When I first started watching MonsterVision on its opening day on June 29, 1991 (Saturday), there was no host and, of course, no mail girl. This trend went on until Joe Bob Briggs showed up in 1996 and introduced to the audience the lovely Honey as his mail girl. From that moment on, we would see a mail girl, and as the years passed, we would be introduced to a new mail girl. I’m not sure how many there were in total, perhaps three? I’m not sure, but the three I remember were Honey, Reno, and of course Rusty. Every one of these mail girls was great, they did a fantastic job, and I miss them like most of you. It would be great if Joe Bob could somehow bring them on the show. Now, not to get off track, we have a not-so-new mail girl named Darcy.

Diana Prince, known as Darcy, has been the best mail girl by far. No disrespect to the previous mail, girls. But Darcy did what we all wanted. More on this shortly. James Rolfe of Cinemassacre did a tribute video to MonsterVision a little more than ten years ago. A friend sent me the link to the video, and even I wondered what in the hell happened to Joe Bob and can we ever get him back?

I decided to reach out to Joe Bob, and he said it would not work. He had doubts and so forth. I’m sure many of you reading this also asked him to try and find a way to make it back on the screen. We tried like hell, and one day it happened! He’s back! Joe Bob, you magnificent SOB, we told you!

Well, that’s partially correct.

See, while we were clamoring at our keyboards, sending messages to Joe Bob and one another about the good ol’ days and those to come potentially, but likely never will. One lady did what most of us thought was impossible or never would have imagined. Enter Darcy.

Correct me if I am wrong, as I am trying to remember off the top of my head. Still, I believe Darcy heard that Joe Bob was promoting his book Eccentric Orbits: The Iridium Story in San Francisco, and that’s when Darcy dressed up as a mail girl, waited in line with all these individual think tanks, and not only impressed him, but they became friends.
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That moment was ground zero for the return of the show. By showing up, Darcy had made it clear to Joe Bob that you should be on TV or streaming or whatever, instead of this.

A year later, Joe Bob’s back! He’s on Shudder, he’s on, and that’s all that matters. We see his face for a certain number of weeks and holiday specials, and that’s good (I’d rather it be 52 weeks)!


However, we have to stop and think about Darcy, who got the show off the ground just by showing up and convincing Joe Bob that he is needed.

Darcy has done more than just aid in getting the show up and running. Just from an observational point, I think she keeps Joe Bob running. I believe Darcy has made a tremendous footprint in the horror universe. I think she is one we ought to praise, if not more, because she has also gone out of her way for the fans by putting together the MonsterVision DVD sets that we wait to purchase—a tedious process that will take much time but well worth it.

At first, I was apprehensive about a new mail girl. WHO IS THIS!?!? IMPOSTER!!! But she is not. She is a genuine lover of the movies we clamor every week to watch together.

You can call her a modern-day Vampira, Elvira, or whatever. I don’t see Darcy as any of those except as Darcy. She is equal to them in name and action, just like Joe Bob. Joe Bob is not a modern-day Svengoolie or Zacherley; he’s Joe Bob Briggs!

Well, this article is far too long, but I want to give credit where credit is due. Darcy, you’re a diamond! Thank you for your hard work and patience in getting the production off and running and keeping the Drive-in alive with your presents. I hope you get a horror show to host one day. Maybe it will be called Afterhours with Darcy? Who knows, but you have my support.

I look forward to seeing you, Joe Bob, and the rest of the cast each week.

Cheers!

The First Time Seeing Joe Bob Briggs

www.shudder.com

When it comes to Joe Bob Briggs, there is only one word that comes to mind: Americana.

Time for a nostalgic rambling rant!

I’ve been following Joe Bob Brigg’s work since 1989. Now, that does not mean I was following every scrap of paper, video along with the once-a-week broadcast. Truth is, I’ve only watched 7 years of Joe Bob. From 1996-2000 on MonsterVision, and the rest on Shudder starting in 2018.

The first time I came across Joe Bob Briggs was at a friend’s house whose parents had satellite TV. I only got to see two episodes, one of those being in 1989 and the other in 1991. But don’t ask me the movie titles, because I have no idea! The first time I saw Joe Bob was at the beginning of the film and the next time was at the end of the film. So why didn’t we watch the first one? Well, his dad had the Playboy Channel. But what struck me about Joe Bob was the way he described the movies in a humorous tone with information. I was hooked, and I started trying to find more about the man, who in some ways was a myth. This was due to the lack of information on him. You have to remember; this was during the time before the internet! All jokes aside, there was nothing on Joe Bob. The most information I got was from people who had The Movie Channel. My family could not afford that channel, so he became somewhat of an afterthought. I was always on the lookout for his writings, but even that was difficult to find, especially when you live in a small town. However, not all was lost.

I’m a huge MonsterVision fan, probably like many of you reading this. I was there when MonsterVision first aired on June 29, 1991, in Blue Springs, MO, and I watched it disappear by September 2000 when I was stationed at Fort Campbell, KY. But between its birth and death came a person who I had been waiting to see, and that day came on Friday, June 28, 1996! Joe Bob Briggs made his debut that day and started the night off with The Hand (1981). I had a blast that night! I tried never to miss a MonsterVision episode after that.

Now Joe Bob is back for a third season, and I have yet missed an episode since his return in 2018. Here’s to another season of The Last Drive-In, which is about to begin this coming Friday at 9 pm ET/6 pm PT only on Shudder. Time to sit down, relax, pass gas, crack open a cold one, and enjoy the show.

Thank you, Joe Bob, Darcy, Ernie, the Crew, and Shudder!

I Miss 50s Sci-Fi Movies on Cable TV

It was a decade of Elvis, Eisenhower, Cold War, atomic bombs, and sci-fi movies! I wasn’t born in the 50s, but I wish I could have been in the theaters and at the drive-ins during the 50s to view these sci-fi gems. Science fiction movies of the 50s have slowly faded away among younger people. Baby Boomers, Generation X, and the first wave of Millennials are the last to have remembered such movies flickering on the TV. Depending on where you live, channels such as TBS, USA, TNT, perhaps your local station were known for such movies throughout the 80s and 90s. I miss those days and viewing those movies on TV.

It’s obvious that I love science fiction films of the 1950s! Of course, this is due to age and family culture. I was born in 1977 to a southern family that was big into science fiction and horror films. It had to have the three B’s (Blood, Breasts, and Beasts) according to Job Bob Briggs to be watchable.

Like most my age, we were exposed to the films playing on the floor model TV or something compact. It was during a time when you either saw the movie or you didn’t. Unlike today, where you can buy or rent with a click. It was a time that you either rented the movie or waited for it to air on TV. At some point during the year, they will show the flick on one of the few channels at your disposal. We still have a problem, and that is video rental stores. Most of your Mom and Pop rental stores didn’t carry every film because they were small businesses. Unlike Blockbuster or a Family Video that had a vast video library at their disposal also had little depending on your taste. The one and perhaps the first video rental store we had in Kendallville during the early to mid-80s was called Genie’s. Genie’s had maybe fifty films at most, possibly more, but I do not recall having a lot to select. What I do remember was how exciting it was to go there on the weekends. Most of the movies they featured were drama or action. But they had a nice shelf dedicated to horror! The problem is, sci-fi films of the 50s were hard to come by. I could rent Friday the 13th (1980), an OK movie that I have watched multiple times with the family, but I can’t rent The Thing (1951)! My only hope was to wait for Mom to buy the weekly TV guide so that I could thumb through and circle the movies I wish to view. My Grandpa taught me this art at a young age, and he was a PRO!

The first time I was exposed to a science fiction horror film that I remember was Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954). I first saw this film on TV at my aunt and uncle’s house in Michigan between 1980-81, so I was roughly 3-4 years old at the time. The film captivated and frightened me. It also didn’t help that it was night and I was viewing the movie in the countryside. It was that night and film that sparked my love affair for 1950’s science fiction movies. The following year I came across the American version of Godzilla (1956). I found this film at Genie’s rental. I saw this giant creature on the VHS cover that said, “Godzilla: King of the Monsters!” I had to see this!

I was in shock and awe as a child and kept looking out for it to appear on TV. I tried to rent the movie often, but to my surprise, others liked the film and rented it. Kind of like trying to rent Tecmo Super Bowl at your local grocery store to find that it is missing every Friday and Saturday! But I digress. During this time, I came across many strange moves, most of which were mentioned by my family. They would talk about movies like The Blob (1958), The Thing from Another World (1951), War of the Worlds (1953), Them (1954), 20 Million Miles to Earth (1957), Forbidden Planet (1956), and The Fly (1958) to name just a few. These movies were just myths that I needed to investigate. 


These films and many more from the 50s not mentioned, I would religiously look for in the TV guide and seek out at the local video store, hoping they would carry it. Eventually, Genie’s would go out of business, and the next rental store was Video Connection, which later became Video Unlimited. It was here that I was able to rent many of the moves listed. For the longest time, many of the films had been nothing more than myths and legends until I found them at the rental store or on TV. Once the 1980s had vanished, these movies were still played on cable. Channels like the USA network or TBS were both known for showing such features, especially on Commander USA’s Groovie Movies and Super Scary Saturday. Every Saturday, both programs would play at the same time but five minutes apart. Commander USA started at noon and Super Scary Saturday at 12:05 pm and would switch back and forth between both programs. But with the 90s, these movies were slowly being faded from cable TV. Channels like TBS and TNT still showed them from time to time. Especially on TNT with the birth of Monstervision starting in 1991 during its early stages instead of the mid-late 90s hosted by Joe Bob Briggs. This is understandable, as many people wanted to see more modern movies and still do. When the 2000s came, I rarely ever so a 50’s sci-fi flick featured. By the 2010s decade, it had pretty much vanished from cable TV. Of course, every year on Halloween, TCM and AMC do show some of these movies but not much.

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James Hendricks as “Commander USA”

Super Scary Saturday (TV Series 1987–1989) - IMDb
Al Lewis as “Grampa”


The good news is these movies are back, but mostly streaming, and this is a good thing. For nearly 15 years, it was rare to see anything of the sort on basic or premium cable. With the advent of streaming and Blu-rays, they are more affordable to buy and rent. Not to forget, where I live, we have two great horror hosts who do show these types of films. They are Svengoolie on MeTV Fort Wayne at 8 pm and Lord Blood-Rah on MyTV Fort Wayne at 10 pm every Saturday.

The bad news is, 1950’s sci-fi films are an acquired taste. For the Baby Boomers, Generation X, and some Millennials, you either loved or hated these films. I, for one, with many of the same age, perhaps a bit younger or older, do have an appreciation for these films, which were at one time a mystery and a myth until we saw it with our own eyes—kind of like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). I grew up seeing the film, and it was no myth –it was real! But most of my friends never saw the film, and the rumor persisted until they viewed it in some safe secret location away from their parents and likely with that one family member that was a bit off. I guess my family was odd since this was a normal viewing for us. Anyways, today’s youth have no idea. Ok, to be fair, some do. For most, the movies are old and in black and white. If that is not bad enough, the effects are dumb, and the acting is even worse. However, many young people who watch a sci-fi horror film don’t realize there is an original. Take John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982). Many people who saw it did know there was an original made in 1951 by Howard Hawks. In some ways, this is good because it brings back that myth and legendary status to these 50s films that fall in the science fiction horror genre.

While it is terrible that I can’t flip through the channels to find a good sci-fi horror creature feature on the TV throughout the weekdays, I now can buy or stream them for a cheap price or for free. Thank God for streaming, physical media, Svengoolie, Lord Blood-Rah, The Haunted Hotel by Rob Graves, and The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs!

Joe Bob Briggs

Naval Battle of Salamis (480 BCE) ‘The Harder the Salami the Better!’

 

Kaulbach, Wilhelm von - Die Seeschlacht bei Salamis - 1868.JPG

On 29 September 480 BCE, the Battle of Salamis was fought between the Greek city-states – who were seeking an empire of their own – and the already established undisputed heavyweight champion of the known world – who needs no introduction – the Persian Empire! Better known as the Achaemenid Empire in the academic world in case you were wondering and I think you are?

According to that guy named Herodotus, who is still being debated about before the undergraduate academic committee, mentions that 371–378 Greek and 900-1207 Persian ships took part in this mass royal rumble. Themistocles, that political populist over achiever, was an Athenian admiral of the navy. He decided to bamboozle the Persians into thinking they were best buds and the Persians were hooked. Afterwards, he ordered his slave to go to the Persians and tell them that the Greek allies had abandoned their position with their tail between their legs. The Persians were giddy and entered the straits between Salamis and the mainland.

On the morning of 29 September, the Persians crept across the narrow strait. Xerxes, being the great leader he was, watched from afar, like a guy in the back of a Grindhouse theater on 42nd Street in New York City. Understand that naval warfare before this shindig took place consisted of boats ramming into each other at high speeds like a bumper boat competition at the local fair that came around once a year or at the established rundown Fun Parks. It was nothing more than an ancient version of demolition derby that goes bound the barnyard rules of rural America. Once a boat had been successfully penetrated, the process of drowning took place, of course, some likely knew how to swim but that’s another matter for another story. Once nightfall arrived, the Persians lost a third of their bumper boats during the competition and called it quits. Persia’s strategic position had not improved, causing Xerxes to pullout and recall his army, which had reached the Isthmus.
While not a major defeat, it was a setback, one that caused Xerxes many countless nights contemplating and boasting of the should’ve, would’ve, and could’ve scenarios. It was another victory for the Greeks in their march to be more like Persia.

Let’s take a look at those Lecture Hall Totals:

We have 371-378 Greek Allied ships (shame on you Herodotus, you need to work on your arithmetic skills) 900-1207 Persian ships according to the ancients who tend to exaggerate a bit. Modern egghead estimates are still being hammered away day in night and tend to suggest only 300-600 ships took place in the beating.
We have 40 Greeks ships totaled.
We have 200-300 Persians ships totaled.
Body count unknown.
Unknown amounts of blood.
Unknowable amounts of severed limbs.
Chick commanding five Persian vessels (Give a round of applause to Artemisia I of Caria).
No breasts.
No beasts.
Heads roll.
Arms roll.
All action.
Ship slamming fu.
Boarding party fu.
Bodies floating (Thinking of you, Ariabignes) fu.
Swords, daggers, arrows, and splintered pieces of wood to the torso fu.

Two and a half beers!
Cam Rea says check it out.

For more on the story, check out these sources:
Herodotus and the Persian Wars
Ephorus, Universal History
Lazenby, JF. The Defence of Greece 490–479 BC.
Green, Peter. The Year of Salamis, 480–479 B.C.
Burn, A.R., “Persia and the Greeks” in The Cambridge History of Iran, Volume 2: The Median and Achaemenid Periods, Ilya Gershevitch, ed.
Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War
300: Rise of an Empire 9film) in case you didn’t already know!

By Cam Rea